Elf Chicks

[Old Dwarf]

:?: Are you tired of:

1.Hanging with guys that spend more time with
their hair than you do.?

2.Daily bathing.

3.Having to drink weak booze with pieces of fruit
& plastic do -dads.

4.All that meditation ****.

:?: Do you want to:

1.Really break stuff

2.Sing songs of death & dismemberment

3.Tour the taverns of Middle Earth

Well its your LUCKY DAY :D .OD's Free Company
"The Tavern Takers"has a few openings for Elf Chick
Archers!!We offer top pay & a competive benefit
package plus the joy that is Beer Wagon Living.

Interviews are now underway at the Gutted Pig Tavern
in Laketown.Apply in person or send resume to
same c/o OD.

Join De Dwarves.

[fosco sandybanks]

is this to be in some movie or is it just a gimink?

[miruimor]

Dwarves just have this pathetic thing for Elf women :roll:
Of course it would help his Battle Company
to use the Elf missle stat.

OD is a PIG but a practical one :guinea2:


Don't hold your breath OD :P

M

[BilboOfTheWhiteTower]

Dwarves just have this pathetic thing for Elf women :roll:
Of course it would help his Battle Company
to use the Elf missle stat.

OD is a PIG but a practical one :guinea2:


Don't hold your breath OD :P

M

Ouch, that was harsh! :D
For the record, I don't think you're a "PIG", just a hormone energized dwarf! And what is really wrong with that anyway? :lol:

P.S. Dewi, would you mind if we keep Rosie Cotton hidden away in the back room the next time OD decides to stop by The Green Dragon? Sam is getting a little worried OD might try one of his irresistible, booze induced pick-up lines on her. :D

[Lord of Edoras]

Was all that supposed to be a joke? lol

[Losliath]

Nah he's just ticked off for being looked over by all the elf chicks. It's another sad story the dwarf sees the hot elf chick the dwarf likes the hot elf chick, the dwarf gets mad because he cannot have the hot elf chick because the hot elf chicks only like elf guys, and the occasional Dunedain.

This causes much jealousy among the dwarves who compensate by not bathing, and trying (and failing) to out drink the elf guys to compensate for their shortness, their smell, and their lack of elf chicks. Because truth is no one wants a dwarch chick because they look, smell, and sound just like the men. SO come where they winners are , come to the elves.

Don't be a victim to elf chick envy, join today!

[AlexOfTheArgonath]

Or, you could just join the Rohirrim and ride around on a horse all day. Who needs Elf chicks when we have horses?

[Losliath]

We gots those too! Just have to convert em.

[Losliath]

Plus who wants to kiss a horse?

[Krahl]

This thread is seriously taking a turn for the worse...

[AlexOfTheArgonath]

Kiss a horse or hug a tree... :wink:

[Losliath]

Yup I guess we all have our querks eh? Could be worse you could be a gobbo, and that means you're a dean THING walkin

[Miruvor]

Uh-oh Losliath, I'm afraid you went too far there.
/me sends teeming hordes of extremley hot cave trolls to trample Losliath, and bring his head back on a pike.....and a few of those elf chicks while there at it. :wink:

[Losliath]

But unfortunatly they spend too much time oogling at the elf chicks (common mistake) and are shot to death.

Which is why now we shall send them at the frong of each army so that while our enemies are too distracted wishing the camera was invented we shall shoots them to death

[Old Dwarf]

Ok..doubters,just to show you that many Elf Chicks
have this "Dwarf Thing"here are a few letters from
applicants to this Ad:

Twilightdell writes:

"Dear OD,for the past 112 years i've been
with an Elven Ranger company & know the
lands between the Misty mts & Mirkwood
like the palm of my hand.Now however i'm
looking for career possibilities with short,
hairy guys.I love being grim & breaking
stuff so I think i'll be a good fit"...........
...She goes on to say"i'm so excited
about joining up that i've also sent my cousin
Eveninglen a copy of the application"

and Evendglen responds........:

"Please hold a place for me in OD's Free
Company.I was all the way over by the Carrock
when I got your application & at once threw
my bar of soap into the Anduin & am heading to
Laketown to sign up."

and Tammy writes:

OD...my STALLION..last night was :oops: :oops: ..
how did my personal correspondence get mixed
in with the applications??Oh well to continue..

(OD!!turn off the light & come back to bed!,its
late & you still owe me a backrub..i've got an
early shift tomorrow at the tavern.......

er..OK Rosie.lass be right there.)

I have many more applications but I must get
busy.......er...busy working out mt Build Points!

Later

OD

[miruimor]

:guinea1: :guinea1: for OD & you Rohan guys,
this is for you :bill: .

I begin to worry when OD's post seem tame
to the others on the thread.

Board Mangement....please note we need a proper
PIG smilie :)

M

[BarukKhazad]

Another reason to be a dwarf... OD's great stories!!! :D

[Losliath]

Hehe it seems OD has stumbled upon those great letters that brought many a heartly laugh to the forrest. For little does OD realize that those aren't sent from elf chicks but from some of our more rowdy pranksters. After these letter were read alloud to much of the court there was much guffawing at the fact that a stunty would actually believe that an elf could wish to be in the presence of one dwarf save a whole company of them. The problems from this are much more that their hygene here are some examples

1) They are much underfoot and get in the way of fighting
2) They have pitifully weak ales and their wines aren't anything to speak of
3) Is that music or belching? I can't tell
4) They oft fall over their own beards in combat when they come loose it's a bit embarassing
5) Can you imagine the kids a cross would produce? No I don't want to think about it either
6) They always lose to us in who can kill the most opponents. Winning gets old after the first several thousand years.
7) They get confused sometimes about who is a dwarf woman.
8) They believe silly prank letters from adolecent elves

And there you have it, there are but a few of the reasons that we don't get along and why no elf chick will be found with dwarves. This is not to say that they aren't good allies in times of need for every one needs stubborn cannon fodder. They are much better company I must say than orcs. Orcs well that's just s****ing the bottom of the barrel if you ask me.

So remember kids it's not good to be a dwarf because you smell but it's much better than being an orc

Cheers! :legolas:

[BarukKhazad]

pfft

[miruimor]

Losliath brings up some good points for an Elf(usually
the only ones they have are on the ends of their ears :roll: )

Those letters seemed a little fishy to me too,did these
Elf Chicks of yours send pictures??

M

[Losliath]

Well if they did they would only be drawings (no cameras you see)

[Lord of Edoras]

...so off-topic...

[Old Dwarf]

Losliath brings up some good points for an Elf(usually
the only ones they have are on the ends of their ears :roll: )

Those letters seemed a little fishy to me too,did these
Elf Chicks of yours send pictures??

M

as a matter of fact they did!(and lets not dwell on the
camera,its details like that sink the whole thread :wink: )
but our King Dewi took them from me.....er...to..."study"

But have no fear Dewi is going to petition the Leadership
Roundtable to allow Elf Chicks as members of Bwarf Battle
Companies...So you may meet Twilightdell & Eveninglen
plus others on the battlefield.

Now for Losliath I understand you mixed feelings towards
the Khazad,your Sindar.But for Eru sakes that whole
Nauglamir/Silmaril thing was a couple of Ages ago!

The sack of Menegroth was regretable but it was more
than made up for by your over reaction of Sarn Athrad :cry:
Oher than that even you must admit Thingol was rather
a dork(great taste in Chicks but otherwise a total dork.

I know you Elves don't like to admit it but the fact is
still that your Chicks dig us.

OD

[Losliath]

HA! Delusions of granduer. If you're after some prepubesant elf boys then by all means claim the authors of those letters. I think the onlt way to settle this is a drinking contest

[miruimor]

HA! Delusions of granduer. If you're after some prepubesant elf boys then by all means claim the authors of those letters. I think the onlt way to settle this is a drinking contest

LoL...like OD needs an excuse to drink :roll:

OD I still can't help but think this whole thing is
is a feeble attempt to get a better missle stat
for your BC.The Elf Chick induendos are simply
a cover......its a wonder you didn't try to
incorporate :treebeard: oh thats right their
women are lost :!:

M

[captain_of_morgul]

horses are cool and dwarves smell, and elves (males) are um different to put it nicely...

[Old Dwarf]

Bottoms up Losliath!But to be fair we should both drink
Beer & not sone fruity Elf Drink :P

Now M come on the Ent Wives aren't lost if you
know where to look.We Dwarves have been seeing them
for ages......they go for us too :twisted:

A Dwarf with our braided beards & snappy dress
simply are Chick magnets....all kinds of Chicks :wink:

OD

[Losliath]

Man those Entwives could really use some moisturizure their skin is as rough as bark. But when your own women have beards.... beggars can't be choosers eh?

Give it up OD no elf chicks are joining your company. It like that sad kid at high school that keeps claiming he's gonna date the prom queen and then disapears soon after. The closest you will get is your fellow countrymen Gimli and he's not giving up those hairs, the last one who asked got a axe in his face. Plus elven women love the out doors not caves climb a tree and bathe and you'd have a better shot at it.

The contest is one however and I accpet your challenge, though me thinks you're afraid of our ales and wines because they're a bit too potent for one so small. Distilled and fermented over thousands of years my stunted friend, I don't think you can boast the same :D

In fact I think we should settle it by watching the Return of the King EE, I believe our champions speak for all of us. Oh there we go...

Game...

Set...

Match...

Elves: 1 Dwarves: hangover

[Old Dwarf]

:legobow: Some Champ!

:ent: + :ent: +:ent: hey i'm next :galadriel:

I rest my case,by the way friend Elf,how can you
drink that stuff any booze over 3 days old is just stale :P

OD

[miruimor]

:roll: :roll: :roll: i'm just moved to poetry!


Poems are made by fools like me
But only a Dwarf would make it with a tree!

M

[Losliath]

i think OD has finally ODed

[silvani]

OD seems as a nice dwarf why would an elven maid go out with him. His personality makes up for all his faults. (well....may be most of them)

SO why not it could be possible, although he might have to get out and live in an open, since i don't think elves like caves too much, unles there is lots of... (what was that metal cold agin)

(Goblins don't have a good memory, and you can't balme them all their brains are getting bitten out by moria king with his iron fist) :wink:

[Skywalker312]

pah, elf chicks. why not come to harad, we will show you something other than pointy elven freaks. anyways, i do believe that this thread is getting a little out of hand. but ok. im just glad you left aside any orc sex jokes, because thats just disgusting. anyways moving on the bottom line. JOIN HARAD! :twisted: